In the Beginning

I have started Celebrate Recovery to deal with my anxiety. I am very interested to see what will come out as God and I set out to peel back the layers and get to the root of the issue. My first meeting was Saturday and I can already tell that it is going to be awesome and hard all at the same time. I am not a crier, but I cried. I could really feel the Holy Spirit working and the tears cleansing me. It is okay to not have it all together. It is okay that things need to change. It is okay to be scared. As much as I want to deal with my anxiety, I don't want to deal with it.

The first step is denial and since I just got the books, I had not done the "homework." But as I flipped through the book, it said that one of the side effects of denial is anxiety. Wow! That hit me like a ton of bricks! I wonder what I am denying? Then the first two questions were about control. What do you feel like you have control over and what do you feel is out of control. Wow, again! I feel like that is when my anxiety really kicks in, when I feel like I don't have control. I try to control everything and really, all I can control is my actions, choices, reactions and thoughts. That is it! And even then, some of those get out of control! One of the girls was saying that when her inside was out of control, that is when her outside looked like it was all under control. That really resonated with me, is that what I am doing?

This will be an interesting journey and I hope that this gives you encouragement!