I totally just caught my husband in a lie! And my stomach feels sick! It is not a big lie and actually, it doesn't really matter what he lied about. The thing is that he lied! He doesn't tell the whopper kind of lies, just the little white lies. I have called him on it a couple of times, not really lieing I guess, just stretching the truth. He is taking a client out and I heard him on the phone with them earlier and he said that they would meet up at the church and follow each other from there to go look at some houses. He just left and I asked him what car he was taking, he said the van because they were bringing their kid and they were going to just put him in the booster and go from there. I have been thinking about this moment from when I overheard him earlier. I wanted to know what he was going to do. The lie itself isn't the issue. I don't like the lack of integrity, and if he can lie about something as stupid as which car he is taking, what else can he lie about? I don't care if he takes the van really, but don't lie to me, tell me the truth. I feel like I need to address it when he comes home, but I don't know how!
Yuck, that is how I feel right now. Actually, the whole thing makes me want to cry!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Attacked
Lately work has had a really weird vibe. The weird thing is that last week it had a really good, upbeat vibe and now, yuck!!!! I have a sweet friend who works with me and she has been such a spiritual mentor, especially lately. I have been talking with her about my marriage issues and we pray together and give each other verses and devotionals that seem to fit what we have been talking about. It has been such a sweet time with her and I know that is exactly why God has brought her back into my life. I have even shared with her how my desire is to be at home, not necessarily full time, but more than I am now. I want to be a wife and a mom and not the breadwinner. That is one of the sore spots in my marriage right now, something that I have finally told my husband after holding it in for about 3 years now!
When I was talking with her the other day about feeling attacked and insecure at work, she have marvelous words of wisdom for me that brought me such comfort. You see, I like my job and love what I do, but my heart wants to be at home. So Satan started attacking me at work, making me feel insecure about my performance, occupying my mind worrying about what a co-worker is doing or appears to be trying to do. She pointed out that since my heart wants to be at home, Satan is trying to destroy my securities at work, to make me feel not only worthless at home, because I want to be there more than I am, but also to make me think that in order to do a good job at work, I have to be there more, be more competitive, worry about what other people are appearing to do. It totally made sense to me and light was shed on that darkness.
I will not let Satan have the foot hole. I know that no matter what God has a plan for me. If it is to keep working and someone to leap frog me, so be it. If it means that my co-worker gets more attention because she is the squeaky wheel, so be it. If it means that God removes me from this employment, where my schedule is about as flexible as they come, so be it. I know that He will take care of me, emotionally, financially and spiritually.
When I was talking with her the other day about feeling attacked and insecure at work, she have marvelous words of wisdom for me that brought me such comfort. You see, I like my job and love what I do, but my heart wants to be at home. So Satan started attacking me at work, making me feel insecure about my performance, occupying my mind worrying about what a co-worker is doing or appears to be trying to do. She pointed out that since my heart wants to be at home, Satan is trying to destroy my securities at work, to make me feel not only worthless at home, because I want to be there more than I am, but also to make me think that in order to do a good job at work, I have to be there more, be more competitive, worry about what other people are appearing to do. It totally made sense to me and light was shed on that darkness.
I will not let Satan have the foot hole. I know that no matter what God has a plan for me. If it is to keep working and someone to leap frog me, so be it. If it means that my co-worker gets more attention because she is the squeaky wheel, so be it. If it means that God removes me from this employment, where my schedule is about as flexible as they come, so be it. I know that He will take care of me, emotionally, financially and spiritually.
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