God is so awesome! He is such a God of order and wonder it amazes me. I was working on my Step Study for CR and realized that God has pulled back my layer of anxiety to reveal my selfishness. Yuck!!!! I am not one of those outwardly selfish people, the kind that just slaps you in the face. I think that I am more of the silent selfish type, you know, the really dangerous kind! I think I am being all nice and submissive, when in reality I am trying to figure out a way to get my way or to be right. My husband once pointed it out and I just dismissed it. He said that I always wanted things my way.
A couple of situations have come up that have made me realize this. One being my SIL with cancer, and how it "messes" up our schedule. How cold is that!!! The other has really been evident in dealing with my husband and wanting everything my way or for my benefit. Umm, hello, it is not all about ME!!!!! I think a lot of my anxiety was because of this selfishness, wanting things my way and worrying if they would go my way or not. And then when they didn't, freaking out!
Not only did God reveal that to me, but I am also doing a Bible Study with a friend about character transformation and the first study is on humility. It is really hard to be humble when you are so selfish. Then when doing my step study, the last question was about humility. God is for sure doing a number on me, but I will take it and I will take the blessings that will be waiting for me on the other side. I truly feel like the metal in the white hot fire, where all of the impurities are starting to show, but they will be washed away and what will be left will be more beautiful than what was there before.
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